A Genuine Leather Jacket!!!
Ok. This is not a sob story about a poor girl who has been deprived in life. Nope. On the contrary, I have more than I could ever need. The truth is a "right now" mentality grips my senses from time to time! Over the years I've doled out cash for multiple small items (take for example last years faux leather jacket that was a bit too tight for my shoulders - but it was $15!) when I should have been saving for the bigger items with more value, or even better - padding a savings account! Even after graduating from the Dave Ramsey course I struggle with saving.
And it's not just in the area of money. I battle with the long term goals in, well, pretty much all areas. The concept of taking small steps at a time makes sense to me, but staying consistent is a discipline I have yet to master. (There is also a negative mindset that unbeknownst to me, until now, has dominated my thinking patterns...this thought continued at the bottom of the post for those who want to read.)
But seriously, I first asked for a leather jacket as a young teen and have been eyeing and trying them for about 20 years now. So you can imagine my surprise when I opened one of my gifts and found this jacket. It's better than I deserve and better than what I'd choose for myself! I love the smooth, buttery soft feel and sleek look. I may wear this so much folks will begin to think I've joined a biker group.
Finally, these shoes make me feel better about sporting the jacket. They are a GoodWill find and thereby helping me stay true to mixing old with new. :)
|GoodWill Find! They had no signs of wear. :)|
Leather Jacket: from "Santa"
Sweater: the Limited (November early Christmas)
Jeans: WHBM (old)
Shoes: 9 West (GoodWill - $6)
Purse: Tommy Hilfiger OLD
There is also a negative mindset that unbeknownst to me, until now, has dominated my thinking patterns...
Believers are supposed to be victorious, seeking out the Master's plan. Not focused on things that pass away or our inabilities. A believer should know that our power comes from the Creator, not from within ourselves. I'm very aware of that, but I felt He had limited me too much. He gave me desires and then shorted me with what I needed to accomplish them. Not true of course, but this is what I believed!!! Hear me. I'm not drowning in depression, but I do hit rock bottom quite often. It's a cycle that I'm not proud of.
Why am I sharing this on a blog post that is supposed to be about a leather jacket? Cuz it 'aint about the jacket! It doesn't matter what I own, where I live, who I know, how smart or pretty I am etc! If I am not walking and abiding in the One who made me, designed me and is the only one that 100% unselfishly wants what is best for me, than it is ALL meaningless. So I want to change my mindset. This cannot be done on my own, but a spark of hope wells up within me as I consider the fact that I am aware of my hurtful, self-destructive thought patterns.
Where do I go from here? I'm not sure quite yet. Maybe I will actually just take it one step at a time. Heal. Cast out the once camouflaged and debilitating thoughts and replace them with Truth. I may have setbacks and I'm sure a lifetime of habit will not be changed overnight. But I won't focus on that.
I will close with an excerpt from a new devotional my MIL gave me because I just now read it. And "coincidently", it goes right along with my heart's struggle.
"All God ever expects of you is failure. But He has given you the Holy Spirit so that you need never fail."
It goes on further to add,
"...have you stopped making resolutions because of repeated failure to keep the old ones? Do your past failures discourage you in the present and paralyze you for the future? Then join me in praising the God who expects us in our flesh to fail, but who is also the God of the second chance!" (Fixing My Eyes on Jesus by Anne Graham Lotz)
"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14
With this outlook I feel nervous, but ready to start the year 2014.
Happy New Year my reader friends. :)
Chrissy (definitely needs grace)